My story

I approached the door with apprehensive steps. I knew what lay behind-criticism, punishment, castigation and rejection. I clutched tightly to the papers in my hands. Though they were neither trembling nor sweating, my heart was pounding with utmost angst. I had to do it today. It was now or never. I grabbed the door knob and gently pushed the door.

Facing the computer, my father took no notice of me. I gingerly placed the papers on his desk just beside his computer, and crept behind him. He glanced at the papers, then at me. “What’s this?” He asked.

“These are my test papers” I replied.

He snatched the first paper. I t was English. I had carefully arranged the papers before that, so that the first and the last papers were my best subjects. He took the other.

“Fail!” He barked.

Immediately, he took the second then the third piece.

“Fail!” He barked once again.

Fortunately, my last paper assuaged his towering anger. However, forgive me he had not.

“Are you taking everything seriously, or do you think this is all a big joke? Why can’t you just put in that much more effort into your studies, and stop your skiving. We are doing our part, what about you Gabriel? Ask yourself?” My father muttered under his breath.

“You have intensive tuition and you still can fail! Look at Jeremy; if he can study on his on, why can’t you? All you know how to do is to play soccer and be engrossed in those stupid activities of yours. All those will get you nothing in life. If you do not want to study, think about your future? How are you going to survive in this world, in our society?” My mother added insult to injury.

After the papers were signed, they were flung into my face. I did not catch them. I did not want to. They fluttered to the parquet helplessly. I hated my parents now. They were bias; I could sense that all along. I did not have the looks compared to Jeremy, my brother, I did not have the wits compared to Jeremy, I did not have his hardworking, self-initiated spirit, and I did not posses his obedience. I had all that he did not. I was the family jinx, a disgrace good-for-nothing. All the trouble caused was always by me. All the bad things will always happen to me, by me. I am unwanted.

I wanted only to pursue my CCA, my zest toward it was strong. I was doing fairly well too. However, my parents did not care a single damn about it. They wanted me to study, when I did not want to. I hated to study; I hated it as much as my parents. From a young age, I had been left alone to slog. I needed them to be in front of me to guide me. However, they were not. I was not as self-initiated as Jeremy, thus I did not study.
Jeremy on the other hand, was so hardworking. I hated him too. He was a hypocrite who would always act so meek in front of his teachers and parents. With a turn of their backs, I become his outlet of anger. I had enough of this act. I wanted to pursue the things I like and break free from the parental bonds that are binding me from my progress. I want to break loose from the world of deception and choose my friends instead. They understand me better. They know what I am in school, they know me well. I can count on them.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I knew I was at fault, but not totally my fault. Splashing on the test papers, the top sheet of paper soon became opaque with tears. I knew in my heart that I was going to run toward freedom. Even if the price would mean the world. I picked up my test papers, gently wiping it dry, and walked out of the room.